i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
