I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
