Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize