I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize