I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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