yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
