he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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