His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
