im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Success! We fucked roommates!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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