I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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