Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
