I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
