he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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