everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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