i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
