Is it normal to miss your booty call?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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