Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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