Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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