I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
