I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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