i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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