I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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