Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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