Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
