I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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