I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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