Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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