I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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