At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
