Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
