she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize