i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
