Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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