i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he thought i was a dude.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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