Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
