my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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