If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
