My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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