note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
MIDGETS
????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This toilet bowl is my home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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