Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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