i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and i looked up. we had an audience...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
