your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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