theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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