We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
