ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
