well you can't waste a boner
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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