Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
