I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
