The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
