don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
