Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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