who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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