you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
