Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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