If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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