you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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