Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
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Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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