i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
