I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The power of my boobs compel you
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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