Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
