hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
