We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
