Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
