he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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