The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
