dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
