I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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