someone owes me an orgasm
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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