so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
